let it phase you

I don't believe that things happen to you by chance.  If something affects you in one way or another, you have 'chosen' to be aware of this opportunity which allows for personal growth. 


Do you ever read something and think "aha! that's it! that's me 100% - that quote was put there for me to see it today and that's just as luck would have it."  


That quote was there regardless of your situation or circumstance - yet you made the choice for it to affect you.  Think about how powerful that is - you chose to be affected.  You might have read that several times before but now - now is when you chose. Now take that and apply it to everything you encounter today.


Here's what I chose to be aware of this morning when it came across my feed:

"What you resist persists.  And then suddenly when you let go of resistance you let go of an attachment to something.To be okay with what is, which is the simplicity of this moment, is the beginning of true change."

Ah, thank you Eckhart.

she should have never asked

i know myself.  so when I recently had to back out of the half marathon I was planning on doing because of life events, I immediately wanted to do something bigger to kick myself in the ass.  what appropriate timing when i was approached by a friend to train with her for a half iron man.  yup.  it's a 1.2 mile swim, a 56-mile bike and a 13.1 mi run. i left her thinking she was crazy or stupid or both. riiiiight.  how can i do everything i want to do right now and do that too? can i swim? i think so.  i can float. i can ride a beach cruiser.  but i can run. but i've never even done a triathlon! so my thought train went something like this....

holy shit that sounds so intimidating i can't do that - she can do that? where do i practice swimming? i'm gonna get kicked in the face? i can do anything. i can't do that. i'm crazy for even thinking about this. oh my god she's calling me again. she wants me to do this. i don't like to back down. i want to do this. i will fail. i'm irrational. crazy. stop thinking about this so much. just say no. just do it. i'm in awesome shape. i can do it. i might die. who does this?

Me. I think I wanna do it.

ugh. parenting

Guilt has got to be one of the top 5 worst emotions in my book. And yet I am beginning to wonder if it's an inevitable byproduct of motherhood when you've got to let the role of disciplinarian take over all the 'fun' roles of being a mom. 

Lately, each night I go to sleep I vow to wake up and not be so hard on my 7-year-old and the drama. She takes the drama-bomb and throws it at me. It explodes - 

BAM! I DON'T WANT TO WEAR THIS! I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR! I HATE MY CLOTHES! I DON'T CARE IF WE'RE LATE TO SCHOOL! I AM HAVING THE WORST DAY EVER! 

Instead of wiping her tears I find myself intolerable of this behavior and mad because of it and the vicious cycle of showing who's boss takes over where sympathy left off.  I get mad and then more mad when I realize how mad I already am before 7am. On the way to school I'm mad and when my daughter gets out of the car for school, my 3-year-old asks me if I'm happy now.  

             And then, I'm sad.  

And I want to do the morning all over again. Why did I let this take over me? Why did I yell? Am I neglecting her emotional needs in trying to curb the drama? Maybe the bomb is not about blowing me up. Maybe it's not about me at all.  

Wake up, L

greetings

I've always been slightly annoyed (and perplexed) by the popular greeting in America "How are you?" It's a trick question.  The person really doesn't want to know the whole truth which would take more than the two seconds they'll give you of their attention and the "I'm great!" response is mostly full of shit.  Yet we probably ask this question at least ten times a day.  I know I do it myself and quite frankly I would rather just say "hello" and leave it at that, except for I find that if you don't ask the shallow "how are you" then you're borderline rude.  

So imagine my smile when someone greeted me this morning with this:

"Good morning.  Are you ready for a new day?"

Yes!   Yes, I am.

A sincere question with an emphatically sincere answer.

It was the breath of fresh air that I needed.

get you some

"The constitution gives all people the right to happiness. 

All you have to do is catch it yourself."

~Benjamin Franklin

Happy is a documentary about studying the measure of human happiness. Depression studies have long been underway, but it wasn't until the 90's that psychologists really started trying to measure happiness.

It really does grab your consciousness and pull it into the interesting and sometimes 'sad' reality that happiness ability is 50% genetic.

Another surprising find is that only 10% of our happiness is attributed to extrinsic factors such as job, status, income, possessions....

which leaves 40% to 'other' factors. And you know what they found those 'other' factors to be?

People's ability to recognize what isn't happy and make the change in their life, no matter how big or small.  Ironically enough for me, they used the example of a runner.  Something as small as changing up the course of your run now and then was shown to make a huge difference.  It's not that the change in the course made that person happier overall, but it was their innate ability to initiate spice in their life. Welcome change.  Do something a little different.

Change it up a lil and watch this 1 hr 15 min documentary that will inspire the smile within :)

less is more

Moved to a little house across the street from the beach, and I'm

letting go...

of sand all over the floor of the house at any given time :)
of a big house
of more 'space' for more 'things'

It's refreshing to let go sometimes...maybe even a lil bit each day

lend me a hand

Every time I shake someone's hand, I wonder,

"What is their story?

.

I glance down at my own hand lately and it speaks volumes about who I am and where I've been.

Well, there's the ring,

And then there's the  nasty burn on my thumb from spilling boiled water (a glimpse into my clumsiness),

the dry rough skin from handling box after box from our move,

the hard calluses  from pull-ups at the gym,

the deep paper cut under my finger nail (how can paper get in there?)

My grandmother's wrinkles in my palm,

And,

As I continue to stare at them, 

I can see the way they take shape when I touch my kids' faces,

how a little hand fits so perfectly in there,

how I washed my hands ten minutes ago

And 

how it didn't wash away any of this....

the compass

I came across this compass in my car - I've had it for years. It's just a piece of something bigger (but aren't we all?) As soon as I saw it I thought of the theme of the day 

....Love

And then I smiled.

A compass reminds me of love.

Maybe our direction in life is not about direction at all, 

Maybe it's not linear, tangible, sensible, 

....But it's always within

where nothing needs to make sense

because thought is extinguished in love.

May our inner compass remain 

No matter what direction that may be

It could be worse....

Thankful for what didn't happen today.

I ran over my dog's leg with my car.

The horror of living and re-living that moment is too much to bear.  I don't need to go over the details.  But more than what happened, what didn't happen and what could have happened continue to haunt me.  I didn't run over his head.  He is going to be okay.  I could have run over one of my kids.  I could have killed someone.

How do we deal with the could have's and the didn'ts? At what point does 'taking responsibility for your actions' and 'releasing yourself of blame' come into some kind of meeting point? Can they intersect or are they mutually exclusive?

Tonight my thoughts are with those who have not had the option to deal with this intersection.

Keep On

When that last mile seems so tough to get to, when it's a lil harder to push that weight overhead, or you know that rope climb is going to peel away the layer of skin on your shin - I picture that finish line, that weight, the ceiling -

As my Life.

And then I get on with it.

Maybe we're not the same,
But I know we see the same moon tonight.

...and it's very full

Running on empty

I started training for my second half-marathon last week.  The distance between me and myself two years ago is closer to something like the distance from here to the moon.

There is something about putting on those shoes, those running shoes, standing on the pavement, alone, and saying to yourself... Go!

------>  No one is there to push you.  

No music pumps you. <-----

 No machine propels you. 

For all those steps you're alone in your thoughts and you're heart is pumping, your legs grabbing and pushing, your abs fighting against gravity to keep you from falling down, your arms swinging in sync with the rhythm you're creating and all the while, while all this is happening, you're mind is as clear as it's ever been.

I never thought I'd still be learning about myself through my runs and all the empty space in between destinations. Eckhart Tolle says we have the most capacity for growth through the empty space that we allow to be.  For me, it's a whole new empty.  It's one I welcome often.

When I put on my running shoes.

Superbowl Sunday

"It's unbelievable how much you don't know about the game you've been playing all your life."

~Mickey Mantle

Hope

There is something very profound about empowering a child to help another child.  I felt a duty to help my daughter reach out to another little girl whom we've never met.  We've heard her story and knew we had to do something somehow. 

She is 3. 

And she has cancer.  

Her story as her mother narrates in her blog is one of strength and sadness and hope and every other emotion you can think of.  It hits close to home, as I am also a mother of a 3-year-old boy. My daughter,  Ella, 7,  made posters, collected money, and, as this picture shows, stood guard outside our gate, hoping to lure in customers.  

And carrying over from the theme of yesterday's post, I am reminded of the good in our race. Strangers were willing to help out strangers to help a stranger.  

This, to me, is even more powerful than the $266 we will give to Roxie, who is inspiring beautiful things in this world already.

Give your doubts another chance...

Just when I begin to question the decency of mankind in general, bits of kindness and  goodness shed light on why you should not be so quick to doubt.

This is what happened at a family dinner tonight, as I suggested that each of the 12 adults at the table take turns saying what they think are the best qualities of the birthday boy, a tradition my brother started with me last year.  Initially I was annoyed with my own suggestion as the words spilled out of my mouth as words often do. The first person to speak made a joke at the situation and I thought shit here we go. But down the line it was like you were watching human emotion evolve over the course of 12 people in 12 minutes as if it were 12 ice ages of change. Creativity, sensitivity and poignant emotion spread like wildfires. 'We appreciate you,' 'It's not just about money with you,' 'Thank you for loving our mother,' and the end result were tears, and one more tap on the shoulder that reminded me of the good in human spirit....going to bed tonight with a little more faith in people.

It's been a while since I haven't been able to put a book down...there's some really good life lessons in this kitchen

Tempted to keep the car in drive...

When is the last time you let a song take you away? I can't remember the last time the lyrics of a song didn't take me 'Far Away'... ... I'm looking through the raindrops on my windshield and thinking 'will you find out who you are when it's too late to change?'  

For those small moments I travel out of ordinary and into a bittersweet daydream of absolute transfixion.  I take the same roads home with a different point of view, each time hoping for regrowth.

Don't get 'stuck in colder weather - maybe tomorrow will be better - can I call you then?' 

Through the same window on a different day I think 'I know it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good'


 So the next time you catch yourself daydreaming in song, remember this:  stay on the road, but get lost in your own translation...


'Please don't stop this train'...(comment with your own lyrics)