I woke up this morning
feeling particularly feeble,
with a tinge of defeat
and a side of fear.
The New York Times glared at me
with its front page blazoning
disease, suffering, fighting...
I felt small.
If I can change the way I'm thinking right now,
I thought -
can I change what happens in my small,
small world
where I'm just one ripple in the atmosphere?
Surely I can do that.
What if everyone could?
Small, low, scared,
I laced up my shoes.
Like a glove.
Walked into my gym,
tied a
CHAIN
around my waist
with a 5-pound weight...
the weight of my world
plus 5 extra pounds of someone else's shit.
GET UP, LT.
GET UP!
Chin up over the bar to count.
Over and over
until I could say that I was truly
truly
with nothing left.
Lighter,
bereft of fear and doubt.
And then I realized I need to let go of some things.
Simply because they are too heavy
to carry
without my shoes on.
That's big stuff.
~L~
