more on compasses

If the only moment that truly matters is right now,

then why do we shape ourselves from our past

and look so onwardly to the future?

~~~

I find myself looking back often with a smile, as perplexed as I may be and how bad of a memory I have, I still see a different version of my old movies spin on my wreel when I pass the same intersections that haven't changed since I was little...the songs that come on that can remind me of certain smells from my past...the scar I see on my chin when I make a funny face in the mirror...the feeling I get when buy a polaroid camera for my son....and when I look at a compass which always brings me back to where I'm going and where I've been.

Would you change directions on your compass if you could go back?

All the right people would say no - it doesn't matter - what matters is right now.

I say it's a thought worth thinking about because moving in any direction is a lesson one way or the other. Maybe that's why I like how a compass works...

When it's held steady the needle points to its magnetic pole. It's soul.

You have to first be still to know to move forward or backward.

I'm moving still.....

Are you?

 ~The future comes one day at a time, no matter which direction you move.

And the past is still moving in you ~

dont' be scared

What binds you?

What holds you back?

  Is it something you can see in front of you? Behind you?

or do you just feel the fear of cutting the strings?

the strings...the bars....

the cage....

I was told that yesterday was

 National Poem-in-Your-Pocket-Day (interesting),

so it's no surprise to me that this very poem came home in my four-year-old son's pocket.

And in this poem, this is what bound Ted Kooser, an American poet: 

Breezy and warm

A round hay bale,

brown and blind, all shoulders,

huddled, bound tightly

by sky blue nylon twine.

Just so I awoke this morning, 

wrapped in fear.

Oh, red plastic flag on a stick

stuck into loose gravel,

driven over, snapped off,

propped up again and again,

give me your courage.

Ah, finally! Someone else in this world looks at objects wrapped up too tightly and feels their pain, envies other objects for their resilience.  

And oh, how grateful I am to recognize that it's because this feeling is no longer a part of my feeling vocabulary.

Bounded only by how much I've set myself free,

only how far the pendulum has swung in the opposite direction.

May you become untangled from all that binds you

and become free of the fear of being let go - and letting go.

I'd like to thank my rental car

As I drove away in my rental car that would be mine for the next three weeks

I thought to myself what a piece of JUNK!

It smells like old smoke, sounds like it's way out of shape

and of course where are all the bells and whistles on this thing??

I started to like the piece of shit in less than 24 hours.

No back-up camera? Twist your body around 800 times if you have to and get a work out for crying out loud.

No button to close the back hatch? I slammed that damn thing so hard that I believed I got my money's worth out of my new kickboxing class. 

BAM I don't need a button.

And oh what a beautiful thing to actually insert a key in an ignition and twist to start!

I've had key-injection withdrawals since the luxurious technology has robbed me of the ability to do much of anything that requires any effort when operating my vehicle.

Keyless entry, you're a waste of less time.

What else can I operate with this key? I love actually turning my wrist.

To my future vehicle - I want to turn you on.

And since the moon and the stars are all aligned right where they should be,

my son spilled apple juice on my iPhone.

It's dead.

I drove to the grocery store in my piece of shit rental 

with no phone and very little gas in the tank

and felt surprisingly free...

light as a feather

with      lots      of     space     inside

to absorb

the life that I was living right then

andnotclutteredwithfancythings.

~L~

this word in my dictionary

......(flee-ting)

adjective - passing swiftly; vanishing quickly; transient; transitory

synonyms: passing; flitting; flying; brief; fugitive

This word has been flashing through my mind lately like the lyrics of a song.
over and over and over.

And I can't help but wonder, what does this word mean to you?
Does it mean life is rushing by you
or
are you able to capture the moment, the fleeting moment, as it comes?

I appreciated a moment while I was buying my Dad a pair of shoes for his birthday today, as I do every year.  I smiled at the same counter I'd been at several years in a row now.

"Excuse me, ma'am, my Dad is a size 11 4E in these shoes, can you please look him up in your system and let me know which pair I bought him last year?"

Here I am, again, I thought.  How cool that I'm here again for another year of his life...
And in that same moment came a realization that one year I would not be here again for this occasion.

I wanted to say, "While you're at it, can you please guarantee that I will be back here next year?"

I feel as though I stood still, time was finally passing through me and not taking me with it.
This is what it feels like to appreciate a moment for all it's worth, 
all the joy that overcame me and all the realization that it's going to end soon. 
I'd be walking out of that store in a few moments and,
fleeting
as it may be,
It was an ordinary moment with such weight in my heart
and I thought I just don't ever want to be in the moment where
I have to pass that shoe store by one April and not walk in...
-that moment will come too, 
one day,
and I'm thankful now that I 
grabbed a hold of the
fleeting,
flying,
transient
moment
that was right then and there -

standing still as ever,

inhaling every ounce it had to offer me.

Happy Birthday, Dad. I'm always aware of how much you mean to me.

~ L ~

this makes sense

I cut parsley today.

I noticed something.

There is something very sexy about parsley.

Why, you ask?

Because when you cut it with a big, thick, sharp chopping knife

it looks even better than when it was safe and whole and leafy and full.

 BAM you're chopped into pieces but you look so swell.

How do your parts bounce back to life even better in pieces than when whole?

Your resilience is so sexy.

And your'e parsley for god's sake!

And if that's not enough I taste you and your'e just the right taste of fresh and bitter.

Bitterfresh.

Just what my senses needed.

Thank you. 

Seed planted in my note-to-self garden.

~L