If you've never been judged in any sort of
competition,
do yourself a favor and sign up for it.
In light of yesterday's Cross Fit competition,
I had the pleasure of being judged and being the judge.
Pleasure, you ask?
Here's why:
You walk into a room.
You're already nervous.
Your stomach hurts,
your nerves send charges of tingles down your arm
into your fingertips.
You're alone.
It's just you and the odds in a big crowded concrete room
full of cold alloyed steel,
large black rigs,
cannonballs of iron plastered with numbers
you'd rather pay to get out of there than lift
and you've never felt lonelier.
Suddenly your soul searches for something to envelop the pain,
to occupy the harsh void of comfort.
I signed up for this?
You cling to every word of instruction
but you can't dredge up focus.
You feel the throb of your pulse in your eyes
as you notice the pencil that's about to
record your flesh, blood and sweat onto a piece of paper.
Meet your judge.
As if you're not already not feeling human enough,
there's one who will remind you.
You've never met,
but you already fear him.
Please, you beg silently,
help me.
My vulnerability is at your mercy.
Take it and redeem it for compassion.
The bell rings, the clock starts.
Your body moves,
your muscles contract,
but all you feel is the purge of your weakness
that's about to set your new
personal record.
Because someone is watching you,
judging you,
your naked self
camouflaged by the courage you simulated
when you signed up to be judged in the first place.
Please, you plead,
it's just me.
Be with me when you judge me.
Feel yourself in me.
We're the same.
The judger is watching.
I feel you,
he thinks to himself.
I've been there.
Keep going.
Your every effort is noticed.
He can't tell you,
but he wants you to hear him.
You do.
Because he is
your
own
reflection.
The judge is the awareness of the judger
and the opposite is also truth.
One is a great teacher if the other will listen.
Don't live life without wanting to be judged.
Stare at it, instead, with a good solid look in the mirror.
Nothing can teach you more
than what you fear is your worst enemy.
The bell rings.
The weight drops.
Your muscles release.
The pencil's put down.
You walk away,
better for being judged.
~ L ~
