The loudest noise I ever heard was heavy metal music.
Like a tonal nightmare, the only thing that had ever paled to it in comparison was the noise inside my head that screamed comfort zone. "Play it Safe" was the mantra that had owned me for most of my life. It was the sunblock, the helmet that shielded me from the crazy world around me. The chords of this comfort volume were so loud that the only thing I thought could dim it down was the only noise that had even come close to it...
Fear.
Blazoning shards of anything different.
I had wanted to learn to play the electric guitar for a long time.
But it was so 'un-me' - so loud -
that the very thought of picking up a guitar left me feeling naked in Times Square.
But I had to do something bold.
I had to finally introduce Safe and Fear.
This duality inside me had to meet,
as one often gives birth to the other.
I believed in myself partially and signed up for guitar lessons -
a dare inspired by the year's end approaching and the flash of neon exit signs
that pointed towards a new entrance.
A hallway of uncertainty and fear was the last place I thought I'd see the light.
But it wasn't until a friend gave me my own electric guitar as a gift
that pushed this thought into consciousness:
"Own this noise louder than the noise had owned you."
Power was wrapped up inside that package with my name on it
and all it needed to come alive was
for this fearful soul to set it free.
Remove wrap.
Insert amplifier.
Play the fear in and out of your veins
like contractions of rebirth.
Ah, you're gonna dare me to?
Fine.
I'm gonna rock this.
The contractions began.
Now, there's no sound sweeter than risk.
I'd played with it before,
and I was hearing it again with the first shriek of a strum.
I thought,
I'd rather dance to the shaky rhythm of change than walk to the drone of typical.
A fear baby was born and it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard.
You don't have to make waves to make change.
You don't have to move mountains to matter to the universe.
Perhaps tweaking the sound of your own tune is enough
to simply feel more alive.
Dare to Exit Safe and Enter Fear this coming year.
Untangle yourself from the safety net you've designed to protect yourself
against your own awakening.
All my best on this side and on the other.
~ L ~
"Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
~Dylan Thomas
