Monday, October 20, 2014

pulling up





I woke up this morning
feeling particularly feeble,
with a tinge of defeat
and a side of fear.

The New York Times glared at me
with its front page blazoning 
disease, suffering, fighting...

I felt small.

If I can change the way I'm thinking right now,
I thought -
can I change what happens in my small,
small world
where I'm just one ripple in the atmosphere?

Surely I can do that.
What if everyone could?

Small, low, scared,
I laced up my shoes.
Like a glove.
Walked into my gym,
tied a
CHAIN
around my waist 
with a 5-pound weight...
the weight of my world
plus 5 extra pounds of someone else's shit.
GET UP, LT.
GET UP!
Chin up over the bar to count.
Over and over 
until I could say that I was truly
truly
with nothing left.
Lighter, 
bereft of fear and doubt.

And then I realized I need to let go of some things.
Simply because they are too heavy
to carry 
without my shoes on.

That's big stuff.

~L~